Thursday, November 26, 2009

Early Morning Medicine

I have felt quite stuck at my latest Medicine Woman lesson. The place that has me stuck, I have come to realize, is a place that I MUST overcome if I am to become who I am meant to be. It is a place that is so pertinent to my life right now and may very well help me to finally begin to discover and allow myself to truly bloom. I came to this realization upon waking up this morning. It is amazing how this 'tween time is my most inspirational. I woke up thinking about the Medicine Woman, and then my mother and then my struggle with weight gain. I began to think about when I had my last major weight loss and how at that time I realized the excessive amount of weight I had put on were because of the emotional and spiritual pain I was in. As I began to shed my protective cover, I began to realize so much of this and release it. I kept it off for several years, but with the passing of my mother, (and a few other bombs that threw me for a loop right before her loss) a year and a half ago, I began to put back on weight. Slowly at first to be sure.

I began my Medicine Woman studies soon after her passing and have found myself struggling and struggling even more with the weight. Could it be depression? Probably a big part, depression and a loss of stability. But even so, why do I struggle so at this particular lesson. This lesson is the one regarding the archetype of the medicine woman and who she really is. Who she is in me, and who I am. As my eyes physically opened today, I felt my spiritual eyes open too and my inner voice say to me, "You are eating to hide her. You are afraid of your own power and what that will mean." Oh my, could this be true? I believe it is. I believe it because I began to feel a relief as the words sank in. I also believe it because as soon as the realization began to seep into my heart, I purposed to write this blog. I got up, in spite of the fact that this is a day off of work, and made sure to journal this moment and to get to work writing it all down. That is the trick, you know, with having a spark of inspiration, you must begin to breathe life on it or it will go out as fast as it came.

So here I am. Now that I have come to this realization, what do I do with it? I believe that my physical waking up is simply a symbolic representation of my spiritually waking up. I am waking up and now that I realize I am stifling myself and realize my fears I shall be able to eat more consciously. I shall reteach myself to pause, make a blessing, and eat and drink with consciousness and purpose. I shall not be afraid of my own power and valiantly walk the path I am called to. Where that will lead, I know not, but courageous I shall endeavor to be.

The early morning mist, off the dock in Maine.