Monday, February 1, 2010

File Under: Couldn't Hurt to Ask

So on my social networking adventures I came across this link.

Looking for Rabbi Versed in DARK TALMUDIC ARTS to create GOLEM. (Astoria, NY)


One Rabbi versed in the Dark Talmudic Arts to create one Golem for household of three. Golem will perform rudimentary household chores such as dishes & sweeping, basic Math Tutoring for our daughter in 3rd grade and basic household security. Golem must be obedient and fairly unobtrusive on our every-day lives.

We will supply all materials needed (clay, twigs, calfskin parchment, etc) needed to create the Golem. All you need to do is use your magical ancient Rabbinic skills to animate said Golem!

Please note! We are looking for a Rabbi to create a Golem: an anthropomorphic being created from intimate matter from Jewish folk-lore, NOT Gollum: a former Hobbit turned into monster and looking for "precious". This is important! We have no interest in living with Gollum. We want a Golem. Please respond, serious inquiry only.
This is what they are interested in. A model of man, usually made of clay or mud, no soul, no brain, sort of like Frankenstein. Does the household work and cleans up and/or any other nefarious deeds one might need.

But most Golem stories go awry. Inevitably Golem turns on his creator and the end is less than the creator hoped for. For a modern rendition take a peek at the 'Sorcerer's Apprentice', Disney's adapted version where Mickey's broom golem goes physcho with the bucket.

And this little fellow...well, they are just not that into him.
Not a Golem. Way too emotional, obsessive, possessive and well, nasty.