Sunday, May 30, 2010

Pebble in the Shoe

I am definitely of the "Ignore/Shake it off and keep moving" belief when it comes to pain. I am in no way saying this is the wisest of ways to approach pain, I am simply stating this is my way. Today I received a metaphor to help me maybe rethink this approach. I went on a lovely early morning walk today and as I was walking a noticed a pebble somehow worked it's way into my shoe. I had already achieved my stride and had no intention of breaking it for a dumb little pebble, so on I went. It hurt a bit but I continued to ignore it. Finally, it shifted it's way around the shoe and I could no longer feel it. I thought to myself, "Is this what I do? Do I ignore my pain till somehow it works it's way somewhere into the depths of my heart, to be felt no more." I continued on my walk and meditated on this. I wondered at the reality of my pain and of pain in general. I thought about my ridiculously high pain threshold, proven in my ability to endure excruciating gall bladder pain and almost getting pancreatitis in the process, and how this almost killed me.

Why do I ignore pain? It doesn't make it go away, but it does allow me to keep moving...albeit a bit slower.

I just did not want to stop. Stopping is for wimps. Stopping is for whiners. Stopping is for people who aren't tough enough, cry babies, wooses, losers.

Stopping is for healing.

I realized my thoughts and all of a sudden from my heart came a wordless tune. Mournful and sad it flowed effortlessly from my mouth and I lifted my face to the sky. I noticed the pebble, as it now had worked it's way around in my shoe to the tender part of the arch of my foot. It hurt. This time...well, I kept on walking. I slowed down, continued singing and felt the pebble. It hurt. I felt the pain. I still did not remove it, but this time it was for a different purpose, to feel, not ignore. Very soon the pebble moved again, and I continued walking, thankful for the lesson and the metaphor.

When I arrived home, I slipped off my shoes looking to find the small pebble that had taught me my great lesson. I flipped the shoe, shook it a bit and found, nothing. It was gone. I realized a great lesson again. Allowing myself to feel the pain, acknowledging it, and slowing down seemed to allow the pebble to make it's way out. I also realized though that this will not always be the case. Sometimes I will simply need to stop what I am doing and take the damn pebble out of my shoe.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Taino Prayer to the Mother Goddess

Taino Prayer to the Mother Goddess

by tainoray

Bibi Atabey - Mother Atabey

Atte itabo era - Mother of Waters

Coaiba Mamona - Heavenly Mother of the Moon

Aturo aya wakia Itiba Cahubaba - Sister of our Ancient Bleeding Mother

Acona wakia Arawaka - Hear our Sacred People

Yemao waka waili - Protect our Children

Wakia Yari - Our Precious Jewels

Busica Waka Ketauri - Give us Life

Inaru-Matum - Generous Woman

Busica wakia Ahia Hu De - Give us your Blessing

Tai Ku Buya Han Han - Good Spirit Yes

Nabori Daca - I am your servant

Han Han Katu - So Be It

Poem to the Moon

Beautiful Moon, gazing down, are you as lonely as I feel?
Admired from afar, yet alone in the sky.
A lone light shining in the dark black night
Beautiful Moon gazing down, is that a smile that I see?
Offering me your light to guide my way
It seems to me you know my pain, and the true darkness of my night.
Beautiful Moon gazing down, is that comfort that I feel?
Pregnant and full with the Light of the Divine
A reflection of the sun, the hope that is somewhere shining so bright.

~~Solace Moonwalker

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Blessings of Lady Moon

Well, as I suppose you can surmise from the precious entry, I am going through a painful time in my life, a very dark night of the soul indeed. There are big changes and shifts occurring and I am trying to handle them with as much grace and strength as possible. I am in desperate need of a good cry and of time in the land, not necessarily in that order. To give you an idea of how bad it is, I have neglected that which I love so dearly, my beloved plants, my art, and my studies. Little by little I am trying to keep my self from being swallowed up into the mire of despair. Strangely enough, what has happened would have to viewed as necessary and good, but even though it may be good, it is most painful. I have been writing throughout all of this, and have returned here to my blog to touch base, so to speak. I finally wrote to my beloved teacher, Kiva, who as always, is most loving and encouraging. She reminded me that this pain is part of my journey, the journey of a Medicine Woman.

Last night, I took my beloved black lab for a walk. I looked up for Lady Moon, and there she was, almost full. It was a very clear night and she was most beautiful in her silvery splendor. I became mesmerized for a moment and could not move. I perceived her smile and continued my walk. I paused and tried to remember a blessing from the siddur (Jewish prayerbook), and since I could not, I offered my own. Blessed are You... I thanked the Holy One for the blessing of the Moon, for the comfort she gave me.

I finally slept well last night and I still feel that comfort today. With all my feelings, I am increasingly aware of the blessing of peace and calm. This moment in time is most precious to me. I have a goal to go tend to my beloved plants, in my tending to them, they will tend to me.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Nothing to Say, Because it's a Rainy Day

My heart has turned into a storm cloud
Swollen and gray with bitter tears
And any minute
the flash of my eyes will warn you!

FLASH! There it is!
CRACK! Start counting.

That's how many minutes you have to get the hell out of here before---

My tears
too late
Begin to fall
like rain

drip, drip, drip, drip

Pleadings and beggings, bargainings and "I'm sorrys"
and "You deserve better than this!"

FLASH! My eyes warn again!
CRACK! You better run

Because soon I won't be able to stop the deluge of tears that are falling from my eyes as the storm cloud of my heart rips open in two and is completely broken and drained.

after the storm
Everything is wet
And the sun has not come out


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Beautiful Hand Fasting Dance

I really like this dance, it is beautiful and a lovely way to celebrate a joining of two lives. The only thing I would change is I would like to see the dancers dance around the couple as a sign of joy and protection. What do you think?