Sunday, December 5, 2010

Dark Moon, Dark Me

Funny, how I just turn to this blog when I am feeling low. I have another blog, more my rising sign blog, the face I put on for everyone else blog. This is more my moon sign blog, my down and dirty, feeling blue don't really give a $^% blog. Don't know if anyone reads it, guess I don't figure that is the point anymore, although if you do, I will tell you I appreciate it. Really, it is nice to know there are a few who will climb in the pit with you.

Anyway, today is not so much a 'Pit Post' it is more of a ramble post. Just talking about some observations I am making about my life and myself.


Black cats are really funny and highly mischievous.
I seriously love my dog, although I do not like to walk him.
I get really lonely in a crowd of people.
I miss my children's childhood.
I fight fear, daily.
I do not enjoy going to sleep at night.
Twilight is my WORST time of the day.
I love who my adult children are, but sometimes struggle with the newness of it all.
I think I stress more about their relationships than they do.
I love so deeply.
I hurt so deeply.
I have a seemingly endless supply of tears.
I still miss my mother, and as my children get older I seem to NEED her more.
I like being a teacher because I love children, I just don't want to work at a school.
I think I am an anarchist by nature.
I like being an Orthodox Jew...most of the time.
I struggle to believe in Magic(k) and just want too because I think I will become a highly depressed person if I don't.
I realize that the last three statements make me some kind of paradoxical anomaly...or just really confused.
I enjoy talking to my family, animals, plants, children, the Universe, and adults... in that order.
I really do not like feeling sad. I think there was a time in my life that I did, but I am no fan of depression at all these days.
I think I am depressed.
I started wearing makeup to cheer me up. It's an entertaining diversion for now. Besides who wants to cry when you are wearing mascara?
I don't enjoy endings and goodbyes.
Twitter and this blog are my screams into the void.


BJ said...

Black cats have nothing on orange and white tabbies who figure out how to open kitchen drawers ;-)

Hugs and more hugs!