When my mother passed away, many kind friends, family and folks in general tried to comfort me with their words. Words like "G-d doesn't give you more than you can handle.", were highly unsuccessful (simply because I think that is a crock of horse manure) and others I took for their well meaning compassion. There was one friend though, who like me was left motherless entirely too young, and who shared words that gave me great comfort. She told me that at least our mothers meant so much to us that they left such a gaping hole in our lives. Many times I think on these words and I feel their full impact, like right now. It occurred to me the other day while I was talking to my daughter and the tears began to fall, most unwillingly I assure you, that my issue is one of blessing.
Yes, I think I am having such a hard time because I am a very blessed woman. I have had the blessing of home schooling my children and had the privilege of working with my daughter. I have the distinct blessing of having a very good son who came to see me with his lady every Tuesday for dinner.
But now, well now, all that has changed.
There are gaping holes where those times and spaces were. I suppose I am so sad because I was so blessed and no longer have those particular blessings in my life. I still have a wonderful daughter and a very good son, I just don't have them in those same situations. I know I did not take it for granted, so I am grateful for that, but there are certainly some big holes in my heart right now. I know with time I will get through it, recreate time and such. It's just my days and times were marked with their presence and now it's different. Just different because thankfully there is skype, texting, email etc.
On top of all that, there are other familial issues that I am not sure yet how they will work out. :::sigh:::
I know the answer is maintaining a grateful heart and learning to adjust to life as it is now and not dwelling on life as it was. I am just taking each day as it comes but today's rain is NOT going to help.
Thank all that is Holy that I am dancing at a benefit today.