Full Moon Blessings

The days leading up to the full moon last week were intense to be sure, but with the crest of her fullness past us I am feeling the blessing of having endured the feelings and the release that came with them. Now, I am truly looking forward to the blessing of work that is ahead of me.

A Year and a Day

I have decided to begin a Year and a Day study which I began yesterday. I am using the book Wicca: A Year and a Day. No, I am not converting, but having looked over the book I think it will add to my practice and increase my knowledge and add to my personal spirituality. I am excited to begin this and share it with you all. Not excited in my usual "OHWOWLOOKWHATIFOUND!" sort of way. More like the excitement the accompanies any new adventure or journey, if you will. I am committing myself to this year and a day study to help me draw closer and deeper into my Path. To learn more about my magic(k) and my power. I am doing this to become "a person of magical power, one who embraces the entire array of life's experiences...to face each moment of life unflinchingly." So here's to the beginning, a year and a day. May the cauldron stir smoothly and may it be rich and sweet!

The Crossroads

Here I am, standing at the crossroads yet once again.
"You've been here many times before.", the Lady informs me.
Of this I am sure. This is the one thing I know.
"What is your desire?" She asks.
"To know which path to take."
"They are all true." She replies.
I stand and look. There are paths to take, but which one is right? Which one will cause no pain?
She reads my thoughts and responds, "The one that is right is the one that you choose, and choose you must. The one you choose is right. The one you choose is best. But no pain? Woman, you were conceived in pain, but your mother rejoiced! You were birthed in pain, but she held you to her bosom in ecstasy. No, pain there will be, but joy will come."
"I'm afraid."
"Of course you are. That is why I am here to light your way."
"Will You go with me?"
She looks at me and half smiles. Her dogs stand up, already knowing Her answer as she lifts her torch high.
"Let's go."



This was the culmination of hours and pages of writing 8.20.12  So many questions I asked, so many troubles I poured out and then I felt myself writing this story as I watched it unfold before my eyes. I share this with you here because once again, I find myself at the crossroads but I can't help but wonder how patient the Lady will be with me or if she is still willing to guide.

Full Moon Ritual

Writing down words.
Writing down words that spill forth from my pen.
Writing down words that spill forth from my soul.
Writing down words that spill forth from my soul as thoughts spill forth from my mind,
as feelings spill forth from my heart,
as blood spills forth from my body.
Writing down words to capture them on paper as memories escape from my soul.
Memories that have kept me in chains, hand cuffed to who I thought I was.
To who I thought, I was.
I was.
Imprisoned!
Helpless!
A Victim!
A Victim?
A victim to myself and my memories.
A victim to my thoughts that whirled
around and around as dervishes spinning and spinning,
catching me in their endless round and round here we go again
Dance.
Writing down words.
To capture them
and then burn them.
Burn them.
Burn them until the paper is consumed.
Burning fire edges catching,
burning fire rising,
rising,
Until burning out,
Until embers,
Embers forming,
Relighting over and over.
I want none of it!
Burn thoughts!
This is your pyre!
I shall not burn with you
I am not espoused to you.
I shall not be imprisoned by you.
I shall not.
I will not.
I am not.
Burning paper
Burning words until finally,
Finally,
Ashes form
As the wind takes them away
And looking down I see
My chains no more
I am free.
I am.
I.

Spring Incantation

Springtime Incantation
I’m waking up to something new,
I’m focusing in on what brings life.
Moving from dreams and “What shall I do?”,
Releasing the pain, releasing the strife.
With open eyes and open heart,
I’m creating space in which to receive!
Living my life and living my art,
My story is beginning, it’s mine now to weave.

New Year's Eve and Recommitment

New Year's eve was ever so quiet this year. This is not normally how I like to bring in the secular new year, but since it fell out on Shabbat I chose to honor that above the entrance of 2011.

It turned out to be an okay beginning. After a simple fish and vegetable dinner, I cuddled up with a couple of magazines and a new Charles deLint book, Medicine Road. I have found I am quite a fan of Urban Fantasy and Charles deLint has become my favorite author. Sleep tried to take me in but I was at least eager to great 2011 so I managed to stay up. This year seemed noisier that most because when the clock finally struck 12:00 AM, a cacophony of clanging pans, firecrackers and fireworks ensued. I greeted my next door neighbors and simply stood in my doorway taking in all the delightful pops, cracks and clangs! I had to smile as it reminded me of my childhood and New Year's eves I remember with my mother. She was a huge fan of pot clanging and so, I am too.

As my looked into the dark night I also whispered prayers for my children and family. For friends near and far and even for myself. New Year, new beginning. Always.

It is what it is all about after all. The date is after just a point in time, and we surely have many of those points in time. There are many new years, at least in Judaism there are four. Along with that we have each month, rosh chodesh where we can begin again. Then there is each week, each day, in fact every hour or minute we can being again.

So, since I like this idea of the New Year, clean slate and new beginnings, I've decided to best use it and recommit to myself. I chose to be true to myself, my beliefs, my creativity, my music and my art.

I found this poem entitled "To be a Witch" by an anonymous author. I decided to personalize it for myself.

To be me is to be loved and to love.

To be me is to know everything and nothing at all.

To be me is to move amongst the stars while staying on earth.

To be me is to change the world around me and myself.

To be me is to share and give while receiving all the while.

To be me is to dance and since and hold hands with the Universe.

To be me is to honor the Divine and myself.

To be me is to Be Magick and not just perform it.

To be me is to be honorable or nothing at all.
To be me is to accept others who are different.

To be me is to know what I feel is right and good.

To be me is to harm none.

To be me is to know and honor the ways of old.

To be me is to see beyond the barriers.

To be me is to follow the moon.

To be me is to be one with the Divine.

To be me is to study and to learn.

To be me is to be the teacher and the student.

To be me is to acknowledge the truth.

To be me is to live with the earth and it's seasons and not just on it.
To be me is to be truly free!!

http://www.lacychenault.com/violet.htm

Holes

When my mother passed away, many kind friends, family and folks in general tried to comfort me with their words. Words like "G-d doesn't give you more than you can handle.", were highly unsuccessful (simply because I think that is a crock of horse manure) and others I took for their well meaning compassion. There was one friend though, who like me was left motherless entirely too young, and who shared words that gave me great comfort. She told me that at least our mothers meant so much to us that they left such a gaping hole in our lives. Many times I think on these words and I feel their full impact, like right now. It occurred to me the other day while I was talking to my daughter and the tears began to fall, most unwillingly I assure you, that my issue is one of blessing.

Yes, I think I am having such a hard time because I am a very blessed woman. I have had the blessing of home schooling my children and had the privilege of working with my daughter. I have the distinct blessing of having a very good son who came to see me with his lady every Tuesday for dinner.

But now, well now, all that has changed.

There are gaping holes where those times and spaces were. I suppose I am so sad because I was so blessed and no longer have those particular blessings in my life. I still have a wonderful daughter and a very good son, I just don't have them in those same situations. I know I did not take it for granted, so I am grateful for that, but there are certainly some big holes in my heart right now. I know with time I will get through it, recreate time and such. It's just my days and times were marked with their presence and now it's different. Just different because thankfully there is skype, texting, email etc.

On top of all that, there are other familial issues that I am not sure yet how they will work out. :::sigh:::

I know the answer is maintaining a grateful heart and learning to adjust to life as it is now and not dwelling on life as it was. I am just taking each day as it comes but today's rain is NOT going to help.

Thank all that is Holy that I am dancing at a benefit today.